From www.bobrussell.org
ASK BOB: When Should Christians Create Distance from Unrepentant Believers?
Occasionally people ask my opinion on various personal or church issues. I recently received the following question, paraphrased below, followed by my response.
QUESTION
Bob,
My Christian father recently remarried a woman who openly identifies as a Wiccan and actively promotes its beliefs and rituals. Some people view this as harmless or simply a connection with nature, but I believe these practices are spiritually dark and dangerous.
I love my dad, and my new stepmother is a kind and likable person. Still, as a Christian mother, I am deeply concerned about the spiritual influence this situation could have on my young children. It has been difficult to explain my concerns to my father because he does not share the same sense of alarm.
I’m struggling to know how to protect my children while at the same time maintaining a loving relationship with both my father and my stepmother. How should a Christian approach a situation like this?
MY ANSWER
I’m sorry to learn about the difficult situation you’re facing with your father. That presents a complicated issue—not only for you as a daughter, but especially as a mother of young children. Sadly, this reflects the kind of moral and spiritual confusion that characterizes the age in which we live.
My own father was not raised in a Christian home. Because he came from a large family, I grew up with many relatives who were not believers. Some were drunkards, gamblers, and foul-mouthed. Although my parents did not cut them off entirely, our interactions were limited and carefully guarded.
More importantly, my parents—both godly people—used those relationships as teaching opportunities. They gave us children some degree of “insider information” about behavior that was contrary to God’s Word. They taught us to be kind to our relatives without approving of their lifestyles.
For example, my aunt hosted a large family Christmas party almost every year. Since we lived nearby, we usually attended—but only for a limited time. My parents would say, “When Aunt Kate breaks out the liquor, we’ll be leaving soon, because nothing good comes from alcohol.” Looking back, I believe my parents handled that situation wisely.
Christians cannot completely isolate themselves from the world—otherwise we would have no witness. At the same time, just as a mother hen protects her chicks from a fox, it is a parent’s responsibility to protect children from spiritual harm. That responsibility is especially important when children are young and still forming their understanding of faith and truth.
First, I would encourage you to pray for godly wisdom. As you pray and study Scripture, specifically ask God for spiritual discernment in these difficult situations.
Second, as heartbreaking as this situation is, your father’s choices can become an opportunity to teach spiritual truths to your children and strengthen their commitment to the Lord.
Third, the relationship with your father deserves special consideration because he claims to be a follower of Jesus Christ. In 1 Corinthians, the apostle Paul instructed believers to withdraw from Christians who fall into immorality:
“I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people—not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people” (1 Corinthians 5:9–11).
This is why prayer and devotion to Scripture are essential. You will need to prayerfully decide how much this passage applies to your father. He has certainly made an ungodly choice in a spouse, but the fact that he is your father may keep you from total withdrawal. Still, I believe you are wise to limit the amount of time you and your children spend with him.
If he questions that decision, you can lovingly explain that you believe he has departed from biblical faithfulness and that his current relationship poses a threat to the spiritual development of your children. The purpose of this distance is not punishment—it is restoration. Your prayer should be that your father recognizes the seriousness of his choices, repents, and returns fully to the Lord. Ideally, this could also influence your stepmother to repent, turn to Christ, and be saved. I believe that outcome is far more likely if biblical truth is lovingly upheld rather than ignored.
Finally, you mentioned feeling embarrassed to speak with your pastor about this situation. I would encourage you to do so. Most pastors learn early in ministry that every family has struggles—no one is exempt. Scripture urges us to “confess our faults to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed.” God often uses our vulnerability to draw the church family closer and strengthen the church.
God bless,
Bob Russell is the retired minister at Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, KY