Intro: Are you and your husband BFF’s? Yes, you heard that right! Best Friends Forever! Valentine’s is the “LOVE” holiday.
But what is love? The New Testament uses a variety of words that we translate in English as “LOVE”. “Eros” is romantic/erotic love. “Phileo” is brotherly or friendly love. “Agape” is a kind of love that looks out for someone’s welfare and best interests.
In Titus 2:4, older Christian woman are to “train the younger women to LOVE their husbands and children.” Which one of the Greek words for Love is used in this verse? Well, it is “Phileo”. This is being an affectionate friend, a chum, a pal and partner.
We older women are to teach younger women how to develop warm and friendly relationships within the family, both with their husbands AND with their children.
So, younger ladies, just HOW do you cultivate this best with your husband? There is a Native American tale that illustrates how this can be done. An old man was teaching his grandson about making good decisions. He told him that inside of him were two wolves, a good wolf and a bad wolf. These wolves would often fight one another. The boy asked his grandpa, “Which one wins?” The old man answered, “The one I feed.”
A good relationship with your husband is one that you must feed. Yes, its important to have eros, or romantic love in the marriage…but over time and with age…this physical attraction fades. Agape love watches out for his well being and best interests. However, it is not deeply satisfying, because it is a mental choice type of love. But phileo is that nurturing and soul filling relationship that makes a person happy. How can you feed this? Here are six tips.
First, spend time with him, doing things you both enjoy. Early in our marriage my husband bought a motorcycle and I decided to be brave and venture out with him on it. Several motorbikes and years later, we still enjoy short and long distance trips. More recently we have enjoyed growing a garden together.
Second, be a good listener and confidence keeper. Your husband should feel completely safe with you. That you would never plot to hurt him in any way. Build that trust!
Third, give your husband the benefit of the doubt. Proverbs 16:28 says “A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.”. Snuff out any gossip you hear about your husband immediately. You would expect him to give you the benefit of the doubt. Do it for him.
Fourth, be kind kind! Give criticism very sparingly, and when you do, be careful h your words. You can’t ever take them back once they are given.
Fifth, forgive quickly! Don’t keep a list of wrongs. I Corinthians 13:46 says “Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Sixth, never go to bed angry. Ephesians 4:26,27 “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry and do not give the devil a foothold.” If you give the devil a foothold, guess what, you are feeding the wrong wolf.
-Georgia Merritt Estes lives in Prescott, AR. She is the daughter of pioneer missionaries to Africa, in the mid 1900’s–Dow Merritt, and Helen Pearl Scott Merritt.