Here are some actual problem sentences found in various church bulletins and/or newsletters:
- Don’t let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
- Thursday night – potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
- The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
- Evening massage – 6 p.m.
- The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
- Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
- Ushers will eat latecomers.
- The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
- For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
- The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
- The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”
- During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
- Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a Terrible Experience.”
- Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
- Stewardship Offertory: “Jesus Paid It All”
- The music for today’s service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
- The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.