There is not one thing that has changed my life like letting Jesus fill me up. Letting him be my comfort and my guide. Letting him be my go-to and my source of strength. Letting my confidence come from Him. Letting my identity come from him.

     Because when I’m full of him, my heart doesn’t lack. My heart doesn’t want. My heart isn’t angsty and desperate and constantly seeking validation. It isn’t unsettled. It isn’t unwavering. It isn’t constantly looking for approval. 

My heart is good. 

     So for the first time in my life, I don’t need to be invited everywhere. I know who I am without the invitation. I don’t need attention—not in real life, not on social media. I don’t need to be popular. I know where my worth comes from without being everyone’s favorite. 

     I don’t need major successes. I don’t need some impressive job, or some big milestones or some accomplishment that makes people go “wow, look at her.” I know what my purpose is without a trophy on my mantle place. 

     I don’t need to keep up any kind of appearances. I don’t need people to look at me when I walk in the room. I don’t need compliments on my hair. I don’t need the biggest house or to play keep up with the Joneses. I know my true beauty without having all eyes on me. 

     I searched. I searched and searched for a long, long time in a million different places, but there never was another person who could make me feel like I was really okay. There never was never another step on the ladder that could make me feel secure. There was never enough stuff, enough applause, enough praise, enough outward anything that could make me feel settled on the inside. 

Jesus was always the cure. He was always the answer. He was always it. 

His love…it’s all I need. 

It’s covered those insecure places and it’s settled those fragile spaces. 

It has filled me. 

So I don’t need anything. 

     I enjoy them. I like them. I appreciate them. But I don’t live for their existence in my life and I don’t die over their absence. 

Anything other than his love is extra. It’s unexpected and it’s an overflow. 

     So your invitation? I’m so so so grateful. Getting it is like finding a seventh chicken nugget when I only ordered six. Your friendship? I enjoy it like I can’t explain. It’s like finding a dollar bill in your pocket. Your support? It touches my heart. It’s like sprinkles on top of my ice cream sundae. And I think sprinkles are pretty wonderful, but they’re extra. 

This is peace. 

This is joy. 

This is confidence. 

This is freedom—letting go of my ego and holding onto the hem of Jesus’s garment instead. 

I can’t do it on my own. 

I tried. 

And outside stuff can’t do it for me either. 

I tried to make it. 

I tried to chase it. 

I tried to force it. 

     Letting Jesus fill me up was always it.  I just had to open myself up and let it in.