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Church Bulletin Bloopers

by Anon.

Here are some actual problem sentences found in various church bulletins and/or newsletters:

  1. Don’t let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
  2. Thursday night – potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
  3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
  4. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  5. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
  6. Evening massage – 6 p.m.
  7. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
  8. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
  9. Ushers will eat latecomers.
  10. The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
  11. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  12. The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
  13. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”
  14. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
  15. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a Terrible Experience.”
  16. Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
  17. Stewardship Offertory: “Jesus Paid It All”
  18. The music for today’s service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
  19. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  20. The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.


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Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

2 corinthians 1:3-4